Getting Even With a Teacher
A school teacher was ticketed for running a stop light and told to appear in traffic court the next Monday. She went to the court immediately and appealed to the judge to handle her case right then, explaining she had to teach on Monday.
“A school teacher, eh?” the magistrate said. “Your presence in my courtroom fulfills a lifetime ambition of mine. I want you to sit down at this table and write 500 times, “I ran a red light”. – Fun Fare
A Different Train of Thought
A young man from an extremely wealthy family traveled abroad to Germany for classes. A month later, he sent a letter to his Dad saying: “Berlin is wonderful, people are nice, and I really like it here, but I’m a bit ashamed to arrive at school in my chauffeured Mercedes when all my professors travel by train.” Sometime later he received a letter from his Dad with a check inside and a note saying: “Stop embarrassing the family, go and buy yourself a train too!” – Catholic Digest
You never fully realize how terrible your toothbrush is until you get a new one.
They say that light travels faster than the speed of sound… hence, why some people seem so bright until they speak.
In bed, it’s 6 a.m. you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7: 45. At work it’s 1: 30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1: 31.
I find it ironic that red, white and blue represent freedom until they’re flashing behind you.
The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your work desk.
Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.
Have you ever noticed that a woman’s “I’ll be ready in five minutes” and a man’s “I’ll be home in five minutes” are exactly the same?
With the 1st kid, you freak out when they get their first bloody nose. By the 3rd kid, you’re like “get off the carpet before you drip!”
Keep your words soft and sweet just in case you have to eat them.
Never put off for tomorrow what you can avoid altogether!
Madness takes its toll, please keep exact change.
Success is all about ABC – ability, breaks, and courage.
Not all fairy tales begin with “once upon a time, some start with “when I’m elected.
It takes patience to listen…. it takes skill to pretend you are listening.
One rabbi was scolding another, “Abie, why is it that you always answer a question by asking one?”
“And what’s wrong with that?” asked Abie.
Little Billy, caught in mischief, was asked by his mother: “How do you expect to get into heaven?”
He thought for a minute, then replied, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming
the door until they say, “For goodness sake, either come in or stay out!”
“Then I’ll go in. “